At this moment, I have a dear friend whose face is extremely itchy.
Many may already be aware of this cultural superstition, but this is something of which I've only recently become aware, and by which I still find myself perplexed. The playoff beard is something reserved for sports superfans when rallying for their choice team to win "the playoffs." The idea is to remain unshaven until they win "the championship," or are knocked out of the running by another team.
It's like turning your hat inside out or not washing your socks. I get it. But there are some questions that have never been addressed by these superfans, and since the Bruins have just won the Eastern Conference finals (which apparently hasn't happened since I was a mere tot tumbling over my own Velcro-sneakered feet), and I understand the intense, erratic, and often violent behavior of Boston sports fans, I take this opportunity to demand answers. I also want to make it known that I don't follow hockey nor do I understand the system of postseason play in professional sports. At all. If you have no patience for people like me, please do not read the following; you will perceive it as an obvious and idiotic series of questions.
I thought "the playoffs" was comprised of the division/conference finals, while "the championship" was the final game where they get the big trophy and confetti and fanfare (i.e. World Cup, Stanley Cup, etc.). Therefore I was under the impression that when a team won "the playoffs," all of those superstitious fans could shave their drippy crusted beards (see Paul McCartney circa 1970).
I want to know: Is the phrase "playoff beard" misleading? Should it be called "championship beard"? Do "the playoffs" encompass every single postseason game including "the championship"?
Do non-Boston sports fans do this? I need outside sources. It's all I know.
If you can't shave the beard, can you at least trim it? Clean it up around the Adam's apple?
Will job interviewers forgive the presence of your patchy facial hair during this crucial time?
If your beard looks good, can you keep it after the playoffs are over?
Is there relief, such as ointment or lotion, that can be applied to the beard to make them stop scratching?
Is "beardruff" a thing?
What happens if a beard-grower shaves in the middle of the playoffs? Do they die? And if so, how?
Any help is much appreciated. I might advise those of you who have beards for the playoffs, or just all-purpose beards, to condition. Garnier Fructis is a popular choice.
